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Good Manners - a Rare Commodity?

AuthorMessage
Pirate Overlord
Mar 16, 2012
10631
Are good manners disappearing from society? Or am I just too old to fit in this modern world? Especially in MMOs that have the "gift" function?
Don't get me wrong, I love giving and receiving gifts
But why do I feel it's unusually BAD manners to ask for a gift directly after making a friend?
The case in point, I was checking the Team-up ledger and helped a buckler with the Santelli dungeon ( it's a buckler power promotion for level 25 ). The pirate asked if she were "safe" to have me fight with her ( I think she had been abandoned earlier. )
I friended her and not 10 minutes later, she asks me if I had crowns, I had only 53 but I told I had none.
"ok, nvm." she said ( I was waiting for her to go off-line so I could delete her without arguments. )
THEN not 2 minutes later, she asks me: "Did I ask you if you had crowns?"
After telling her that she did "Oh then you must not have enough for a tribal pack."
I was getting ready to delete her, but decided to leave her with some food for thought:
"And I don't appreciate being bugged for them."
REMOVE FRIEND
Captain
Jun 10, 2013
729
anecorbie on Apr 30, 2018 wrote:
Are good manners disappearing from society? Or am I just too old to fit in this modern world? Especially in MMOs that have the "gift" function?
Don't get me wrong, I love giving and receiving gifts
But why do I feel it's unusually BAD manners to ask for a gift directly after making a friend?
The case in point, I was checking the Team-up ledger and helped a buckler with the Santelli dungeon ( it's a buckler power promotion for level 25 ). The pirate asked if she were "safe" to have me fight with her ( I think she had been abandoned earlier. )
I friended her and not 10 minutes later, she asks me if I had crowns, I had only 53 but I told I had none.
"ok, nvm." she said ( I was waiting for her to go off-line so I could delete her without arguments. )
THEN not 2 minutes later, she asks me: "Did I ask you if you had crowns?"
After telling her that she did "Oh then you must not have enough for a tribal pack."
I was getting ready to delete her, but decided to leave her with some food for thought:
"And I don't appreciate being bugged for them."
REMOVE FRIEND
I have people ask me for gifts at least once a month. If you don't have the crowns or don't know them just tell them no in a nice way. I think turning around and deleting them though is too harsh. This pirate seemed like a nice pirate who just wanted a pack and some help. Nothing wrong with asking nicely for those things.
Dread Pirate
May 27, 2009
2131
RRRRZZZZ419 on Apr 30, 2018 wrote:
I have people ask me for gifts at least once a month. If you don't have the crowns or don't know them just tell them no in a nice way. I think turning around and deleting them though is too harsh. This pirate seemed like a nice pirate who just wanted a pack and some help. Nothing wrong with asking nicely for those things.
I agree with anecorbie that it is annoying to be asked within minutes of agreeing to a friend request. If we didn't remove them, then every time we are online, we'd hear it again. They keep asking until they find someone who is gullible -- "It's my birthday today" or simply feeling generous.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with asking for HELP -- that's what the Team Up Ledger is all about, after all, and making conversation is also nice when someone agrees to give you their time, but if you forget to say "thank you" after the battle, and just ask to be gifted, well you're a beggar, plain and simple.

Asking complete strangers to buy things for you in an online game is rude, saying it's your birthday or some such ploy makes it worse in my eyes.

Pirate Overlord
Mar 16, 2012
10631
RRRRZZZZ419 on Apr 30, 2018 wrote:
I have people ask me for gifts at least once a month. If you don't have the crowns or don't know them just tell them no in a nice way. I think turning around and deleting them though is too harsh. This pirate seemed like a nice pirate who just wanted a pack and some help. Nothing wrong with asking nicely for those things.
Do you go around asking people you've just met for gifts in real life situations? No, then why do it in a game?
I have gifted friends in game many times, only a few times has a friend asked for a gift and they were friends I had known for a while, had quested with me & were moderate in their request.
Admiral
Nov 01, 2013
1413
anecorbie on Apr 30, 2018 wrote:
Are good manners disappearing from society? Or am I just too old to fit in this modern world? Especially in MMOs that have the "gift" function?
Don't get me wrong, I love giving and receiving gifts
But why do I feel it's unusually BAD manners to ask for a gift directly after making a friend?
The case in point, I was checking the Team-up ledger and helped a buckler with the Santelli dungeon ( it's a buckler power promotion for level 25 ). The pirate asked if she were "safe" to have me fight with her ( I think she had been abandoned earlier. )
I friended her and not 10 minutes later, she asks me if I had crowns, I had only 53 but I told I had none.
"ok, nvm." she said ( I was waiting for her to go off-line so I could delete her without arguments. )
THEN not 2 minutes later, she asks me: "Did I ask you if you had crowns?"
After telling her that she did "Oh then you must not have enough for a tribal pack."
I was getting ready to delete her, but decided to leave her with some food for thought:
"And I don't appreciate being bugged for them."
REMOVE FRIEND
LOL, I certainly agree. It's funny what you said about removing friends after they're offline, because that's something I tend to do frequently, unless I just delete and Teleport away. But I don't like them being left with the feeling, "she deleted me" so I tend to wait until they're offline.

Also, I know the exact same feeling. Case in point, one of my former friends from years ago had asked me over and over again for a Pack after I knew her for a while. I told her I didn't have Crowns but I would try to ask other people to Gift her, but one day she took it a little too literal and actually said, "I'm quitting the game" and "I'm crying in my room right now", just because I couldn't Gift her a Pack.

Remove friend.
Captain
Jun 10, 2013
729
anecorbie on Apr 30, 2018 wrote:
Do you go around asking people you've just met for gifts in real life situations? No, then why do it in a game?
I have gifted friends in game many times, only a few times has a friend asked for a gift and they were friends I had known for a while, had quested with me & were moderate in their request.
Well lets say you are going on a first date with someone, 1 of you has to pay for the dinner or movie, probably the person that asked the other one to go with them. Yes I am aware that isn't the same situation, but I think it's similar enough to use it as an example.

In game 1 thing I understand is some player's don't have the money for crowns or their parents don't give them any crowns. In those cases I can understand why someone would ask for a pack. I also think it is a somewhat reasonable request because a pack is 1 of the cheapest things in the Crown Shop. I actually met 1 of my game friends because they were giving away mounts in Avery's Court, I was lucky enough to get a mount from them and we have been game friends 3-4 months now. I also had another game friend, who I had known longer, gift me The Spirits Of Yuletide Set. Multiple people told me I shouldn't have asked for that, but they had told me they would gift me any 1 item I wanted, and we were both happy.
Petty Officer
Jul 10, 2011
88
I feel you. It's so quiet in pirate101, so when someone friends me I get excited. Then, soon after that, I look at my chat and see them asking if I can gift them. I don't even buy crowns anymore, and that's the exact reason why. I would waste half of what I bought just trying to gift whoever was ungrateful with what they have, as of trying to show "good" manners and a sense of humanity, as if I should hear not they added me only for the luxuries, and not at all to hang out on a boring day with nothing to do.
Pirate Overlord
Mar 16, 2012
10631
RRRRZZZZ419 on Apr 30, 2018 wrote:
I have people ask me for gifts at least once a month. If you don't have the crowns or don't know them just tell them no in a nice way. I think turning around and deleting them though is too harsh. This pirate seemed like a nice pirate who just wanted a pack and some help. Nothing wrong with asking nicely for those things.
Well, I guess your reply shows that I'm out of touch with MMO manners if you think it's ok to ask for a gift from a stranger as long as you "ask nicely"
Though I wonder what her reaction would have been if I had asked for a gift because I helped her. ( I'm sure I have the manners to "ask nicely" for a pack. )
Pirate Overlord
Mar 16, 2012
10631
RRRRZZZZ419 on Apr 30, 2018 wrote:
Well lets say you are going on a first date with someone, 1 of you has to pay for the dinner or movie, probably the person that asked the other one to go with them. Yes I am aware that isn't the same situation, but I think it's similar enough to use it as an example.

In game 1 thing I understand is some player's don't have the money for crowns or their parents don't give them any crowns. In those cases I can understand why someone would ask for a pack. I also think it is a somewhat reasonable request because a pack is 1 of the cheapest things in the Crown Shop. I actually met 1 of my game friends because they were giving away mounts in Avery's Court, I was lucky enough to get a mount from them and we have been game friends 3-4 months now. I also had another game friend, who I had known longer, gift me The Spirits Of Yuletide Set. Multiple people told me I shouldn't have asked for that, but they had told me they would gift me any 1 item I wanted, and we were both happy.
A date is nothing like begging a stranger for a gift, in that situation, 1 ) you usually have known each other for a short period, 2 ) the one who asks for a date is the one who pays ( if they choose that arrangement ) and not the other way around.
I don't know why I have to keep reminding players that there is a way to get Free Crowns for any little item that you like - KI Trivia Games. Just ten quizzes a day gives you a 100 crowns per day. So, you see, someone can do those quizzes ( and they're not hard ) for 4 days and buy their own pack without asking others to spend money on them.
It's nice someone was kind ( & rich! ) enough to offer strangers a mount, but honestly, that person has done the rest of us a disservice; by raising expectations of generosity from other players. Also, you've proved my point, if someone is a friend, they'll gift you without you asking for it. He offered to buy you a gift first, if it had been too expensive for him to do it, he would have told you, and I'm sure you would have lowered your expectations.
Pirate Overlord
Mar 16, 2012
10631
death master101 on Apr 30, 2018 wrote:
I feel you. It's so quiet in pirate101, so when someone friends me I get excited. Then, soon after that, I look at my chat and see them asking if I can gift them. I don't even buy crowns anymore, and that's the exact reason why. I would waste half of what I bought just trying to gift whoever was ungrateful with what they have, as of trying to show "good" manners and a sense of humanity, as if I should hear not they added me only for the luxuries, and not at all to hang out on a boring day with nothing to do.
That is exactly right, deathmaster101! It's as if they're saying "I only want you for a friend so you can give me stuff."
Petty Officer
Jul 10, 2011
88
anecorbie on May 1, 2018 wrote:
Well, I guess your reply shows that I'm out of touch with MMO manners if you think it's ok to ask for a gift from a stranger as long as you "ask nicely"
Though I wonder what her reaction would have been if I had asked for a gift because I helped her. ( I'm sure I have the manners to "ask nicely" for a pack. )
You aren't. I was clarifying that she was basically vying me into by asking, spamming, and staying online, so I could not delete. People like that always do that stuff.
Ensign
Jul 08, 2009
2
YES! I am glad someone touched on this topic. I do my “Earn Crowns” and quizzes everyday and have used it for loot rolls and flag edits. These are cheaper and can be gifted but you can do it for packs. I think it’s more of people being lazy and not WANTING to do the quiz which is really a pity. KingsIsle gives the players an opportunity. If you keep it consistent to do the 10 quizzes everyday, you earn 700 a wk, 2,800 a month, and 33,600 a year. You can earn practically $50 of crowns a year. I know it takes awhile to build it up but it relies on your willingness and determination to get the “reward.” It truly falls on: Is the player desperate and lazy? Or: Is he/she willing to be patient and “work”? (it’s 10 quizzes, like how lazy are you? I couldn’t think of a better word anyways lol) Thank you for sharing this topic!
Pirate Overlord
Mar 16, 2012
10631
Christopher Life H... on May 1, 2018 wrote:
YES! I am glad someone touched on this topic. I do my “Earn Crowns” and quizzes everyday and have used it for loot rolls and flag edits. These are cheaper and can be gifted but you can do it for packs. I think it’s more of people being lazy and not WANTING to do the quiz which is really a pity. KingsIsle gives the players an opportunity. If you keep it consistent to do the 10 quizzes everyday, you earn 700 a wk, 2,800 a month, and 33,600 a year. You can earn practically $50 of crowns a year. I know it takes awhile to build it up but it relies on your willingness and determination to get the “reward.” It truly falls on: Is the player desperate and lazy? Or: Is he/she willing to be patient and “work”? (it’s 10 quizzes, like how lazy are you? I couldn’t think of a better word anyways lol) Thank you for sharing this topic!
Thank you for your reply! I admit that I don't do the quizzes everyday, but only when I want to do some stitching or change a flag.
So get cracking, pirates & earn those extra Crowns!
Admiral
Oct 27, 2009
1439
I think some of what you see may be children who are still learning the polite rules, with some people mixed in that know better, but found begging for stuff as an easy way to get things. There are kids out there who've joined and have a lot of crowns to spend, and who are still figuring out the ways of regular friendship. Some take advantage of that. Real friends don't need payment. We can only go by how people behave. As for the people in Avery's Court, who ask for help or for a friend, and when you do, ask right away, "Do you have Crowns?" I think we know which type they are acting like, especially when they unfriend YOU, after you say no. For the ones who are not aggressive, just a little hopeful, and still do regular friendly activities, whatever the answer, I prefer to think they are the little kids who are still learning.
Pirate Overlord
Mar 16, 2012
10631
Calamity Finch on May 2, 2018 wrote:
I think some of what you see may be children who are still learning the polite rules, with some people mixed in that know better, but found begging for stuff as an easy way to get things. There are kids out there who've joined and have a lot of crowns to spend, and who are still figuring out the ways of regular friendship. Some take advantage of that. Real friends don't need payment. We can only go by how people behave. As for the people in Avery's Court, who ask for help or for a friend, and when you do, ask right away, "Do you have Crowns?" I think we know which type they are acting like, especially when they unfriend YOU, after you say no. For the ones who are not aggressive, just a little hopeful, and still do regular friendly activities, whatever the answer, I prefer to think they are the little kids who are still learning.
I think that children who are at least 13 years old ( the age you're allowed to have Text Chat ) should already know the polite rules of not asking for a gift as soon as someone agrees to be their friend.
It's things like this that make me very reluctant to agree to a friend request. I'm saying to myself "Please don't ask me if I have crowns or for a gift." and then 90% of the time they do.
Fortunately, I've never met the other type who remove you if you're without crowns. Gosh, what a way to treat another human being, very cheap & sleazy.
Pirate Overlord
Mar 16, 2012
10631
anecorbie on May 3, 2018 wrote:
I think that children who are at least 13 years old ( the age you're allowed to have Text Chat ) should already know the polite rules of not asking for a gift as soon as someone agrees to be their friend.
It's things like this that make me very reluctant to agree to a friend request. I'm saying to myself "Please don't ask me if I have crowns or for a gift." and then 90% of the time they do.
Fortunately, I've never met the other type who remove you if you're without crowns. Gosh, what a way to treat another human being, very cheap & sleazy.
Continuing on that subject: for a contrast in good manners, I had made another friend in a team-up just before the one I posted about. She needed help in the "Cueva De La Alacaran" she DID NOT ask me for a gift and on another day, when she needed help in another dungeon she asked "Can you help me?" instead of "Port to me".
I'll be keeping her as a friend.
Admiral
Nov 01, 2013
1413
anecorbie on May 4, 2018 wrote:
Continuing on that subject: for a contrast in good manners, I had made another friend in a team-up just before the one I posted about. She needed help in the "Cueva De La Alacaran" she DID NOT ask me for a gift and on another day, when she needed help in another dungeon she asked "Can you help me?" instead of "Port to me".
I'll be keeping her as a friend.
I agree. I like the friends that ask, not demand.
Admiral
Oct 27, 2009
1439
anecorbie on May 3, 2018 wrote:
I think that children who are at least 13 years old ( the age you're allowed to have Text Chat ) should already know the polite rules of not asking for a gift as soon as someone agrees to be their friend.
It's things like this that make me very reluctant to agree to a friend request. I'm saying to myself "Please don't ask me if I have crowns or for a gift." and then 90% of the time they do.
Fortunately, I've never met the other type who remove you if you're without crowns. Gosh, what a way to treat another human being, very cheap & sleazy.
One would think so, but not always the case. At first, and when parents have set up the account for them, they might start with a lot of crowns and not know how that is different than gold. Usually the immature ones are the ones being taken advantage of, giving these Crown askers reason to keep asking, because they must sometimes find people to give them stuff. If they have given generously themselves and ran out, they might be thinking asking for gifts is the way the game is.
The ones who say, "Please help me," or "Please friend me," and when you offer to, the second thing they say is, "Do you have crowns?", those ones I figure are just in it for the money. Sometimes I'll ask, "Why?" just in case the answer is something like, "Can you help me in Tradewinds Skyway?"(or any other area outside the free-to-play area). Usually I wait for people to speak, to take a friend request, which tends to weed the worst ones out. Sometimes, though I'll take a random request, and see if they will talk.
If someone is here to play the game, have fun and be a good egg, they are happy on my list. Someone who looks to be there to use people, they are gone from my list.
I agree, friends that ask you to port deserve a yarr.
Admiral
Nov 01, 2013
1413
Calamity Finch on May 5, 2018 wrote:
One would think so, but not always the case. At first, and when parents have set up the account for them, they might start with a lot of crowns and not know how that is different than gold. Usually the immature ones are the ones being taken advantage of, giving these Crown askers reason to keep asking, because they must sometimes find people to give them stuff. If they have given generously themselves and ran out, they might be thinking asking for gifts is the way the game is.
The ones who say, "Please help me," or "Please friend me," and when you offer to, the second thing they say is, "Do you have crowns?", those ones I figure are just in it for the money. Sometimes I'll ask, "Why?" just in case the answer is something like, "Can you help me in Tradewinds Skyway?"(or any other area outside the free-to-play area). Usually I wait for people to speak, to take a friend request, which tends to weed the worst ones out. Sometimes, though I'll take a random request, and see if they will talk.
If someone is here to play the game, have fun and be a good egg, they are happy on my list. Someone who looks to be there to use people, they are gone from my list.
I agree, friends that ask you to port deserve a yarr.
"I agree, friends that ask you to port deserve a yarr."

Yarr! Seriously, those are the people that I like most to help (excitedly, might I add).